Finding Your Style Identity: Style, Identity, and Self-Love 

Growing Pains

“I was a bookworm who never quite fit her clothes. I managed to look fine in my school pictures, but as usual, the truth lay elsewhere” (Barbara Kingsolver). 

Growing up, I often felt like I was wearing a facade, conforming to what was considered cool at the time. But, looking fine in school pictures doesn’t mean I felt like myself. 

High School Fashion

My first fashion identity crisis hit me in college, when I realized that what was considered cool in high school isn’t cool in the real world. As a 15-year-old, I perpetually wore Hollister graphic tees with low-waisted Aéropostale sweatpants and well-worn Timberland boots.

High school creates a bubble where the pressure to conform to the norm is intense. It’s all about emulating others, and with everyone in close proximity, keeping up with trends is easy.

At 16, halfway through high school, I remember exclusively choosing between my pink or black Lululemon Align Leggings (the go-to for every girl in my grade). I’d pair my leggings with a Forever 21 yellow tank top, showcasing my favorite color and a nod to uniqueness, topped off with a snug jean jacket, wrapping my outfit in a tight blanket of assimilation. 

A Transition 

When I entered college, everything changed. College students care less about what others wear. It is a less toxic, less judgmental environment, and people don’t imitate each other to the point of uniformity.

So, I panicked. I hastily turned to social media to explore real-world fashion. The variety was staggering, not just in clothing items but also in styles: Grunge, Parisian, preppy, minimalist, retro, 90s, 2000s, athleisure, girly...it’s a lot to take in. But that’s also what makes it exciting—the options are endless.

At 21-years-old, I’ve started to grasp the significance of wearing clothes that reflect my authentic self. Still, the journey to release the need to fit in and find my fashion identity has been an ongoing adventure.

Fashion Identity Crisis or Just an Identity Crisis?

On my 21st birthday, I made a conscious, and perhaps naive, choice to visit a bar in my hometown. 

I had a vision: I’d confidently stride in with my once-brown, unassuming, long hair, now blonde and shoulder-length. I’d wear my trendy, multi-colored corset from Urban Outfitters and thrifted cream dress pants.

I was anxious about running into people I used to know. Yet, I hoped that dressing the part would help me feel the part. 

Truth be told, I deceived myself. 

I had convinced myself that I outgrew dressing for others. I believed I had officially found my true self and my fashion identity. I thought that I no longer sought validation from my high school peers. I told myself, “I’m dressing for me tonight,” but it was a total lie.

In reality, I desperately hoped my former classmates, who had never noticed me before, would see a new, confident me. Their jaws would drop, they’d try to engage in conversation, and I’d brush them off, just as they did to teenage me. I would pretend not to notice them and focus on my trendy and confident friends instead. 

Of course, nothing went according to plan. 

Nobody noticed me when I arrived. Nobody noticed me after an hour. Nobody noticed me after two hours. It was a reality check. 

Despite believing I had found myself and my fashion identity, the evening revealed lingering insecurities. By dressing for validation, I confronted the question: was it a fashion identity crisis or a deeper identity struggle? Long story short, it was the second one.

The Impact

My birthday was five months ago. So, clearly, I’m still in the early stages of my personal fashion journey. I’ve only scratched the surface, and while it’s exciting, it can also be overwhelming. Even if fashion isn’t your preferred medium of self-expression, there will come times in your life when you’ll want to change your style. That might be simply not choosing to let the easy, yet classic, “jeans and a t-shirt” or “sweats and a hoodie” style win that day. 

If you’ve experienced or are experiencing a fashion identity crisis, let me lend you some advice that is helping me discover my fashion identity. Changing your style requires a financial and time investment, so it’s crucial to do it responsibly. Here’s how I am learning to establish my unique style. 

I Found the Root Cause 

There are many root causes that may ignite your desire for a shift in your style. It could be due to growing up, a newfound interest in fashion, major life changes, or a want to incorporate the style of a new community. For me, it’s about growing up, wanting my clothes to match my age, and finally dressing for myself. Finding my style helps with this. Creating a timeless wardrobe is also my ultimate goal. I realized that a significant life shift can be a great source of inspiration, so I embraced it.

I Do a Lot of Research

I came to quickly understand the importance of research in this process. As your taste evolves, immerse yourself in the world of fashion. Study it. Scroll through Pinterest and create mood boards. Scour magazines. Identify your aesthetic(s) before making any purchases. I found that patterns will emerge in your preferences, helping you discover your style genre(s) and guiding more authentic shopping decisions. Follow fashionable individuals, explore clothing stores, thrift shops, and vintage boutiques. I found that the more I expose myself to fashion, the clearer my vision of my style has become.

I Routinely Do Major Closet Cleanouts 

Before I started shopping, I cleaned the heck out of my closet. It was such a therapeutic process, freeing me from items that no longer serve a purpose. Don’t forget, it’s important to let go of sentimental attachments and items that no longer fit you correctly. Who wants to wear jeans two sizes too small anyway? Embrace the comfort of a curated wardrobe filled with pieces you will actually wear. Quality trumps quantity.

I Carefully Choose What to Keep in My Closet 

I learned to keep the basics. The basics in my closet are neutral-colored button-up shirts, white or black tank tops, t-shirts, or pants. Basically, the items that seamlessly transition to your new style are keepers, but trend-heavy pieces may need to go. Remember that you don’t need a closet overflowing with new clothes to change your style. Mix a few new items from thrift stores with old ones that match your new vibe, and you’ll have a complete wardrobe. 

I Make Lists

I create a list based on my Pinterest mood board(s). I find it helpful to list key pieces for my new style that I’ll wear regularly. This helps narrow it down a little more. If you’re aiming for a grunge look, for example, your list might include black or brown leather pants, chunky black boots, or cute graphic tees. When shifting your style, start with the basics, and gradually incorporate statement pieces. Take a closer look at your closet and cross out items you already own, creating a tastefully compiled wardrobe.

Now, I Accessorize!

With the basics in place, I began experimenting with makeup, hairstyles, and accessories. I love how much accessories can elevate style and bring an entire look together. They’re more affordable, versatile, and easy to find, making them a valuable part of style transformation. Embrace the freedom to experiment and have fun with accessories, as they play a significant role in defining your style.

Wrap Up

Take the time to curate a wardrobe that truly resonates with you. Rushing this process may result in a collection of disposable items. 

Personally, I am still learning how to consciously prioritize my own opinions over potential judgments from others. While I still vividly remember being the girl disappointed to go unnoticed on her 21st birthday, I remind myself that people from the past likely pay little attention to my choices. So, I’ll just keep focusing on creating a style that truly reflects who I am. 

Evolving your style is a lengthy journey, one I am currently navigating. But, if I can do it, so can you. Good luck and happy thrifting. 

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See photo carousel below which indicates that I've stylistically and emotionally evolved (at least a little) since high school.