Book Review: “Friends, Lovers, and The Big Terrible Thing”

“It is very odd to live in a world where if you died,” writes Matthew Perry, “it would shock people but surprise no one.”

While he is best known for his breakout role as Chandler Bing on the iconic sitcom “Friends,” there is so much more to Matthew Perry’s story. It is all laid out in his memoir, “Friends, Lovers, and The Big Terrible Thing,” which recently celebrated one year since its release in 2022. 

Unfortunately, Perry suddenly passed away on Oct. 28, 2023 and was therefore unable to see this milestone. In light of this heartbreaking loss, I made it my priority to read the entire book in one sitting on the one year anniversary of its publication- Nov. 1, 2023. 

I succeeded, and thus went on a journey through the various ups and downs of Perry’s life that he so boldly laid out with his own special humor and wit. 

Things I LOVED

Perry pulls out all the stops for this memoir. He refuses to hide anything; he strips his soul bare for the reader to see, which you learn is something he was always terrified to do for the entirety of his life. 

He always had to be the funniest guy in the room, and a solid 99% of the time he always was. His jokes and unique humor are woven masterfully throughout the memoir, to the point where I would have to stop and shake my head because how dare he land a hilarious joke in the middle of talking about needing to take 55 pills a day? The words “I should not be laughing right now” came out of my mouth (while I was laughing, mind you) at least twice every chapter. 

Perry’s candidness throughout his memoir highlights the bravery that it took for him to write it in the first place. It is clear that he made sure to leave nothing to the imagination. I greatly admire him for being so honest, seeing as he tried for the longest time to hide this side of himself, not just from the public eye, but from his closest friends as well.

My absolute favorite part of this book, though, has to be when he describes seeing God in his kitchen in the middle of a very difficult detox. It serves as a simple, yet powerful testimony that shows him getting on his knees to pray for only the second time in his life and solidifying his belief in God when his prayer for help is answered. 

This I DISLIKED:

I didn’t genuinely dislike anything. While it was uncomfortable subject matter a majority of the time, it wasn’t anything that I found to be really “wrong,” per se. 

I do believe that it may have benefited from a little more editing, though I am sure that the editor went through with a bit of a lighter hand due to how personal most of the topics in the memoir were, namely his early life and the in-depth descriptions of drug abuse. 

Overall, the biggest issue I had was dealing with certain descriptions of the effects of various detoxes. To be completely transparent, the only reason I had this reaction in the first place is because I have an embarrassingly weak stomach. 

Additionally, it’s always difficult to hear about someone you care for going through something that seems like it was endlessly painful. 

Addiction is a monster not to be messed with, because as easy as it is to get addicted, it’s a million times harder to get sober. Perry compares addiction to the Joker, writing, “It just wants to see the whole world burn.” 

It was agonizing to read about how addiction wormed its way into just about every aspect of Perry’s life and ruined moments in his career that should have been incredible for him, especially after he worked very hard to get there. 

THINGS THAT ABSOLUTELY BROKE ME:

Reading this memoir as a whole was honestly a very difficult and emotional experience for me. Perry has been a huge support in my life for years thanks not only to his expert performance as Chandler, but to his wonderful, real self that always wanted to help others despite struggling so much. 

Getting to know someone posthumously is a very strange feeling, especially when you’re getting to know the darkest parts of them. 

Perry’s addiction went deeper than anyone knew, and to have it written out so beautifully and painfully made reading this memoir very poignant. It reads like a long confession and ends with his gratefulness to still be alive, which is why the last couple chapters are exceptionally heartbreaking.

In the final chapters of his memoir, Perry discusses his newfound plans for his future and what he wants to continue doing for others in the time he has left on Earth. 

He carries a hopeful tone throughout the last pages as he shares that he finally feels ready to pursue true romance and have a family. He mentions continuing to work hard to support addicts by sharing his story and extending a hand now that he’s in an excellent position to do so. 

To know that he felt in control of his life enough to pursue the happiness and satisfaction he deserved, only to pass away less than a year later, is a very cruel slap in the face from reality. 

I don’t think it merits a long explanation as to why those sentiments were heartbreaking to read only days after his passing. 

I can only hope that in the year between the book’s publication and his sudden passing he was able to experience at least a bit of the things he wanted. 

Conclusion

Matthew Perry will always remain a gift to the world, and his memoir only solidifies that statement as a fact to me. To know that he struggled and went down one of the most nightmarish roads imaginable for so long only to emerge victorious on the other side proves how strong he was. 

“Friends, Lovers, and The Big Terrible Thing” will, without question, remain one of the most life-changing books I have and will ever read.